There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Every now and again it hits me pretty hard that my daddy's gone.
I'm still dealing... but I realize it's alone - because bringing it up to my mom makes her grieve... and bringing it up to my brother brings apathy. I do miss the part of him that I liked. Which in hindsight was a few things. Not a lot... but they were really like able. It was just so long ago...
I remember just wishing i knew him better so I could like him like everyone else did.
