There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
They were some scary days. The unknown always is. You never knew what to expect. Each night is frighteningly unusual. And whatever came your way... it was you and your sisters / brothers (if you were blessed to have them - I see you solos) against
EVERYONE.
But the harder shit got... the tighter you held on to one another. If someone tried to get at your 1 or your 6... didn't matter where YOU were in the line... you broke your neck to protect them. If someone tried to take something from you... everyone pitched in to protect it, and should someone have happened to have gotten a hold of anything precious, you all worked on very inventive ways of getting it back. You moved as a unit. And when you got scared... you locked up... HARD. Held each other close not to lose sight of one another. So no one could pull you apart as hard as they would try. (And they would. Repeatedly. Relentlessly.) After the pain and craziness... it's with those same sisters you'd sit and reminisce about those times. Laugh. Shake your heads. Remember. And mentally take note of how far you've come.
You're on many different lines through out your life and maybe never know it. That obvious one. Work mates. Chapters (of any organization) working towards a goal. Family units caring for a loved one. I've realized my latest line. And I believe that it will be the most important one that I'll ever be on. We're going through it. We realize it's us against the world. But we're working hard to protect what we're working to build and fending off dangers that want to pull us apart.
I promised him that next year this time, we'll be sitting back laughing at these times as we reminisce on how hard we stressed on somethings that in hindsight seem so easy. But until then... we'll hold tight through the storm. Unbreakable. Locked up.
