There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Such a big difference in that and actually doing it. We all dread the repercussions of certain of our actions. That dread and fear holds us in place for years. Usually a place that we much rather not be if we had open options and the freedom to know that no one would be hurt. But instead we hurt ourselves. Confine ourselves to misery and disappointment. To spare others' feelings. But there comes a point when you realize what you have to do. That realization is hard to come to. Because it could be years more between knowing what you have to do and actually doing it. A friend of mine asked me if it's ever okay to give up... I referenced him an old Kenny Rogers song i used to listen to as a child. But whether it's okay or not... Donny knows...
This is where Donny always got me. He knew the message before he started to sing. But he wails... cause he knows... once he says the words... he can't take them back. And I can SEE him shaking his head while he struggles internally with the fear that's held him in place and the final straw that is pushing him to do what he needs to do... and after taming the inner turmoil long enough to come to terms with what he's about to do...
