There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
So after I got ticketed, I went through to the gate, got checked in, yadda yadda and when I walked through to the terminals I saw that the flight I was originally supposed to be on was still listed on the Departures screens... So i went to the gate on the OFF OFF OFF chance that maybe they may still let me run down the tarmac and board my original plane. No such luck. But the woman at the gate told me that she would CONFIRM me for the flight out of Charlotte to NY. Which I could use, because I would really hate to fly standby. It just sucks, generally. You end up sitting between folks and it's always the nastiest folks you can find. Or... you have to wait for 3 or 4 planes to go and here you end up coming home at midnight after spending all day in the terminal. I welcomed her offer and had a seat as I waited.
Well, after witnessing another passenger who missed her flight get manhandled by the "manager" for that section (he was REALLY not a people person and his body language from JUMP stated that he wasn't there to help her) and getting all turned around because the woman who announced a plane announced Charlotte (which was the one I was waiting for) vs. Philadelphia (for which at this point i could care less)... the young lady returned to me with my ticket... frazzled, because she works with nitwits and she's tired of having to answer for their incompetence (which she obviously has had to do numerous times this morning). She handed it with a mere "here you go" and returned to her post that was teeming with customers waiting for answers. I reviewed my ticket. Seat 1A - Window, I read. ... 1A? Wait a minute... The last time i sat in the front of a plane it was some little propeller plane on my way to Indianapolis that I had to board from the tarmac. I surveyed the ticket some more... "E-Ticket... First Class"... Whoa. I went from being the lowest class citizen on the plane... to first class. Before I got on my plane I walked over and told her how much I really appreciated what she did, knowing she didn't have to. She offered a humble, "No problem" and returned to her work.
So I'm sitting here in Charlotte now, waiting to see how it all plays out. I've never flown First Class before. So I guess I'll just listen out for the announcement for "... now boarding our First Class and Yum Yum Super Flight Passengers..." that they always say before they let the pee-ons board. I'm excited about it. I'm going to trust that what she did actually went through the system and I'm really gonna fly first class like this. T'would be rad.
Had a little chat with my mom while I was waiting. Gosh I love her. I guess I needed to be away for a little while to zoom away from the minutiae that was making me ... not hold her in such high regard. I watch my wedding video and there is a part in there where everyone's taking pictures of she and I before I get in all my wedding garb... and folks are saying stuff to make me cry and I muse "stooooop" and snuggle in to her, instinctively... And she puts her arm around my shoulder and squeezes me close. And every time I see it... I think to myself "wow... she really loves me." I know. I know. After 32 years of her CONSTANT dedication, you'd think I'd know that. A mother's love is a WONDER to behold. I'm not sure that I'll ever fully wrap my mind around it.
I talked with her for a few moments waiting here today and told her half-jokingly how I am jealous that Dominic gets her all to himself. And just as if I was 5 years old... she said to me in that voice that has ALWAYS comforted me... "Aww... baby, you ALWAYS have a place waiting for you here. You're my baby. No one can take that away." I had to control the tears that rushed forward. Just overwhelmed by the sensation of complete assurance that I am. I'm HER baby. Always will be. It's really a comfort to know that wherever her heart is... I have a home.
