There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Last night was super quiet. I drank to lull myself to sleep and it worked. I slept right on the couch in the cool air. I had some catharsis before I went to sleep so I was deep into it. This morning I woke up... phone quiet. Emails quiet. All was quiet.
I decided that I'd take a stab at trying to repair the arcade that I had made for my hubby a few Christmases ago - his self labeled 'best christmas present ever'. A year or two ago he announced that it started giving him some kind of error. And I investigated it, and it was a very strange error to get w/o inducing something. I checked with Kdot who ALSO thought it was quite strange. K and I agreed that when E and I were all finally moved in to our own apt, that he (K) would get on the phone with me and we'd figure it out. My plan was to have it all repaired by the time E got back today. My many musings during the week didn't lend me to want to sit down with it until this morning. Where I went to turn it on... the only thing that worked was the light.
I plugged and unplugged and replugged and searched about with the flashlight... and sat in complete wonder. Now it wasn't even turning on. WTF? But with most problems, I have to know what went wrong in order to fix it. But.. I'm clueless. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO BREAK IT IN ORDER TO HELP REPAIR IT. As with SO much in my life lately. I just know that I invested much time and thought into getting something I thought he'd like... and just like that... it doesn't work anymore.
And then I glanced down on the floor under the cabinet table and find the little love fortune teller I made for my husband one day to cheer him up. All dusted up and discarded...
