There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
One of my favorite partial quotes from Shawshank Redemption. It turns the fate of a character on it's ear (from where you thought it might go). And I've adopted it in my own way. In getting all of my 32 years of crap out of my former home and moving into my current, there's much sifting through what is necessary and what is dispensible. It makes you really think about the memories you want to keep. There are some memories that I gladly threw away, such as a hospital stay bracelet from 3/28/99 which I can't imagine I'll ever forget, so what's the use of keeping any momento to trigger thoughts of it? Or old reminders of hotel stays atop the world - or at least NY - champagne bottle corks that I thought would be significant one day when I'd turn to my future husband and say - remember this time? But ... those guys didn't turn out to be that so keeping those is useless. However... grand memories that I'll want to very much show and share with Izzy, Eli, Attie and Marc while I sit around reminiscing did pop up. Letters from high school. Tassles from honor society inductions. A small worn cloth ivy with a tiny gold safety pin on the back. COUNTLESS pictures - I didn't realize I was such a shutter bug. With them, my life is like a flip book! LOL! Because I truly do want them to know who their mom is. I'll be thoroughly interested in knowing and shaping who they are... who they'll become. It's only fair that I offer them the head start on common mistakes if they'll let me. And if not, I can always be there to comfort and encourage.
It's essential to be selective though - because having all those memory triggers around piles up in to mounds and mounds of self-storage facility worthy items. How many of them will you keep forever? Which ones will only be good for a while? What are you holding on to that you no longer need?
