There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
1% is all it took. 1% of faith. 1% of patience. 1% of belief
And now I'm 100% happy.
He asked for the smallest morsel of my faith. And helped deliver all of my dreams.
February 18th was the day I dreamed about. All day, I prayed not to wake up from THIS dream. Because there was NOTHING wrong with it. I felt the most beautiful than I ever had in life. I was at peace and feeling blessed. I was surrounded with close family, dear friends and AWESOME AWESOME sisterhood. I didn't worry one moment the minute the sun rose on my day. And I partied like there would be no tomorrow. By my side... my King. Smiling quietly, contented, having fulfilled our dream together. The day did NOT go quickly. I savored each and every moment. I cried 2 entire tears the whole day because I was too busy smiling and laughing and posing for photo after photo after photo. Everyone who needed to step up did. And those who didn't need to got a chance to party hard and eat a-plenty. Rave reviews have come back regarding our celebration... but none like my own -
IT WAS THE BEST WEDDING I EVER ATTENDED! And that's the truth! More pictures soon... waiting for the professional ones
Since then? I've had an opportunity to savor sweet silence with my new husband in our new apartment. Remember the one that we thought we'd move into for March 1 (that's today?) - right. That one. 1% of faith. She called us the Monday after we saw it and told us she wanted us in there. We could sign the lease the Tuesday after our wedding and move right in... which is EXACTLY what we did. The space is perfect and we have such big plans for it. Biggest of all is to start our family there. We love the fact that home means where we'll both be at the end of the day, together and not Queens for me and Brooklyn for him. When we do disagree or feel ourselves headed down a bad path, we rectify IMMEDIATELY, because we don't want to waste moments in anger. And the hours luxuriating in love... I feel myself float away every time I think about him.
This is the most at peace I've been in a very long time. And it only took 1%.
