So Much On My Mind...
...I just can't recline....
As the days push forward towards the big day, I feel that I'm progressively shutting down my creative facilities (which also house my happy-go-lucky, joyful side) and shifting into auto pilot - under which I tend to be more unfeeling and generally cold. I guess it makes sense. A lot of the things happening right now are direct attacks to my sensitivities and if the shift wasn't happening, I'd be terribly hurt and offended. I'm still offended - but just angry about it - not so much hurt. The bottom line is that everyone has the potential to be an idiot... but some folks just really go for the stars in terms of reaching it. Excluding no one... everyone from close family members to distant friends. Births, Weddings, Deaths. THEY ALL show their asses. So, again, I'm happy to be shifting down into my "get-it-done" phase and not really feeling the hurt that I'd normally feel by the "no's" or the "i can't come if my boyfriend can't" or the "my sister can't come can I bring my grandmother instead" or the "how dare you send me an invite - i'm family" or the "how dare you not send me an invite, I'm family!" or the "OHHH... I planned a vacation that weekend - I didn't know that was gonna be your date" (we've only been shouting it for 2 years).
You know, under normal circumstances, it'd be okay for me to have a total hissy fit about people's behaivour. But because it's directly tied into a wedding, it's been thusly labeled "Bridezilla" and heaven forbid that you actually have one negative feeling during this whole process. I know the difference between a regular stressed out bride and a 'Zilla. 'Zilla's go INTO the process like this. I wasn't like this at the start. I was happy and optimistic and looking forward to seeing many family members and friends that I've not seen in a long time. But now... I've been refocused by all the women who've trudged this path before me.
So long as Earl is at the end of that aisle... and the minister is there to marry us ... and we have at least 2 witnesses...
Nothing else matters.
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