There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Is it possible to stop yourself from doing something that feels really right and good even if it's to someone's detriment?
Example - when I was about 4 or so, my parents used to take my brother and I out on long drives to see the leaves change or to look at how folks with houses would seasonally decorate their homes. Well, I would often get sleepy / nauseated in the car and my parents would recommend laying my head on my brother's lap in the back seat and take a nap. This was usually followed by vocal disagreement from my brother "Moooooommmm!!?? C'mon....no... Please?" and my mom would run the patented Haitian guilt trip on him - which always left me gazing at the back of my mom's car seat (i usually sat behind my dad) as I drifted off to sleep.
Why the protest, you ask? Well - during the course of this nap - I can now attribute to the positioning of my head and motion of the car, my mouth would hang open... And out poured the drool... Which would inevitably wet my brother's pants and when he ultimately got out of the car, he would have a wet spot on his pants looking like he wizzed himself. And without fail - it happened every time...
But here I am at 32 and can still FEEL what a restful sleep that was... And how refreshed I felt all these years later. The sleep was that good.
Was it wrong to make my brother suffer for my enjoyment?
