There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Last night I dreamt that I was full bellied pregnant and it was my baby shower. It was being held somewhere in Florida (Ft. Lauderdale I think - because the spot looked like my Grandmother's house down there). I was surrounded by friends - but friends in the dream. I can't say I truly know who they were in my real life. But they were all very excited for me and the arrival of my new little one.
The dream was full of love and laughter and friendship. I was a happy healthy pregnant woman with nary a care. The only disturbing thing was... where was Earl? Or the presence of any man at all. That only bothered me for a moment before I continued to allow myself to enjoy the moment.
