There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
There are so many things going on... yeah... it's going to be another recap blog. But my mind is just overflowing with thoughts and ideas but I can't seem to get my body to unify with everything that I need to get done. It's pretty frustrating. *sigh*
Fitting: So yesterday was a really great day because I went with some of my Bridesmaids for them to get fitted for their dresses for my wedding. I said to my mom the night before it happened that I guess there's REALLY no turning back now if I've got other people spending money LOL! But it really does solidify it. We showed up and D was there as my awesome Wedding Coord. and 2 of my totally dope photographers were there to make me totally feel like I was a superstar. It was my very own reality show just for me. They snapped pics and the girls put on the dress and got fitted and it was just surreal. This was for ME this time. All of this is for ME this time... and I'm really excited. I had to stop my heart from sinking a little because none of my line sisters came through, but 3 of them are out of town and 2 of them that are in town had more pressing things to do that day. I was assured that they were with me in spirit. I guess I just have to hope they'll be there for the next thing... whatever it is. *crossing fingers* Then afterwards Max, Vic, D and I went to have brunch at a spot near Vic's house and then we went to her house and embibed in MANY mimosas. It was really great. We lounged in her house all day and did absolutely NOTHING. I felt really free and happy and want all my bridal experiences to be so wonderful. With the core group of women around me, I'm sure that it will be. Nothing phased me and the tingle of marital excitement was a constant sensation.
Planning I've been a planning fool again lately. Getting back into my stride of making sure that all my t's are crossed and i's dotted. My baby and I met with our officiant friday. It was a productive meeting. We've set down the order of the ceremony and words to be said and traditions to be followed. I had a conversation with my mom about the possibilty of her being in a wheel chair when the time comes. We agreed to have one on site, just in case. And that Dominic will be her usher for that day (as he should be). I also spoke with her about the dress. Which we didn't dwell upon for a long time at all, because she really wants to lose weight before she talks about fitting into any dress. As the time draws nearer, I'm feeling a little more sure about what will happen - a little more comfortable in assigning roles to people and feeling like they'll be there. I'm staying diligent in my prayers and hoping that everyone's health is in place. I'd really love for my family to be there.
We paid in full for our invitations and are waiting for them to come through and we also solidified the florist for our day. Makeup Artist is locked in. We're moving along. The guys are going to go get their tuxes in August - so I've set up with the photogs to follow them around too - no need for me to be the only superstar! *tee hee*
I have to plot down all that I've done so that I don't forget or do double work. I lose whole days at work just planning. It is all encompassing. All this thought and effort - for 5 hours of festivities and countless years of joined life. Seems fitting.
Passing After coming home from my cloud nine-ish day, I recieved an email that one of my chapter sorors passed away. It haunted me for the majority of the night. She was one of those sorors who was so active and was in EVERYTHING and unabashedly sassy. Just wonderful. She engaged in a fight with cancer last year some time... she disappeared off the scene for a little while but then came back, emaciated and wearing very sassy hats - head held high and back in the fray of serving the community. Everything seemed fine. She looked like she was going to be fine. It always looks that way... and then... last week she was admitted in critical condition to the hospital. Emails were circulating about her whereabouts and phone numbers and room numbers and where to send flowers. Then right on the heels of that email, sorors are scrambling to figure out how to get the word out that she's passed. A good percentage of us are at Boule in Detroit right now and have no idea what's happening. I would really hate for her funeral to not be well attended... she came to everyone else's. *sigh* It does seem unfair sometimes. I know there's a bigger plan and a rhyme and reason I may not understand till way later - but when I'm right up against it... it does seem so unfair. I guess one more angel to watch over us.
