There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I have that final picture of my God Son saved as my screensaver on my phone. And whenever I take a look at my phone, I find myself mesmerized by his eyes. Just dumbstruck - trying to figure out who he is... What kind of contribution he would make... Where might he end up going... What kind of person he would be. I feel strongly that I am in love with this little boy. And frightened by the idea that this love I feel is a QUARTER of what parents feel for their babies. Can the human heart love THAT much??? And if so.. Can mine? Really?
