There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
This weekend has shaped up to be quite relaxing and wonderful. I spent the majority of it with my baby just being together. Friday we were supposed to go to a friends birthday get together, but he wasn't feeling well, so I took care of him friday night a little and see if I could make him feel better. Then Saturday he came to pick me up bright and early because we were scheduled to go out and shop (just to look) for a new car. So we went for an appointment we had for 11:30 and we looked around and agreed that no matter what, we would only seriously consider a car if the payments to the new car would be less than the current payments we make on our Diggy. After looking at many models and asking a BUNCH of question - we found one. We're actually getting ready to go pick it up right now. I'm excited. It's a brand new car - we don't have to really worry about all those repairs we were going to have to make on Diggy in the near future - air conditioner, pistons, moonroof, plenty of body work, odometer... just a bevy of things. AND we're saving like $100 a month! We picked out a 2006 Honda Accord. I know it's not like luxury style and oh-my-gosh... but it's brand spankin new ... and I'm really happy. My baby is bittersweet. He loves material things that bring him many good memories. Diggy was his very first car... he had a lot of great experiences in the car on road trips and fun memories. He's the slightest bit reluctant to give her up. But I believe that he'll easily get over that once he starts driving the new car around. I wonder what we'll name her....
When we got home saturday night, he initiated a very candid conversation with me about his hangups going on in our intimate life. He was very open about a lot of things and I was really surprised (in a great way). After he laid out all the pieces for me and I was able to put it all together, it started to make a lot of sense to me why things are the way they are. But his promise to work on it coupled with his admission of his placing me on a bit of a pedastal which was keeping him from thinking of me in a certain way really cleared up a lot and has me feeling quite positive and looking forward to where this road may take us...
