There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
My baby and I were sitting here watching the movie Hitch. And they got to the part where Hitch was explaining to Brenneman how you only get one chance to make that first impression and the first kiss is such a huge part of it and how some women even take the first kiss as being indicative of the kind of relationship that awaits her. After a few questions back and forth between he and I, I took the time to sit and remember my "first kisses". Strangely enough - I only remember a few. Of course, my very first kiss. I remember vividly it being very wet and unkempt (my whole face felt like it was soaked by the time we were done) and I remember seeing everything green when I opened my eyes from the minutes spent with my eyes closed and the sun beating down on them. I remember the first kiss with my first "real" boyfriend, one night after the School Year opening dance outside by the cafeteria. I remember the kiss with the man that was in my life the longest (up to now) - completely awkward and was like WHOA... where did that come from ... you're just a friend. But there are so many that I don't remember. And at no time did I ever rate the whole relationship by those kisses.
Then in a different scene, we watched as Brenneman just had his first kiss and upon Allegra closing the door for the night and he dances down the street. I think once upon a time I could fathom someone doing all of that after having kissed me for the first time, because I kinda felt like I did it myself. That exciting feeling of initiation... the embarking upon something new and exciting and the possibiltiy of finding love. That's enough to make anyone dance, I think. but does that happen anymore? Do guys vy for the opportunity to kiss the girl of their dreams? Is there even a "girl of your dreams" anymore? Considering the numbers are drastically skewed in your direction and if you have women who are willing to dispense of the chase and get right to the spoils... I know that most of that thrill is the acquisition of what you've been pursuing. Is there even a pursuit anymore? Guys?
*sigh* Even the memory of that feeling is nice and warm. It's so sad that some of the BEST feelings in the world are fleeting and we live in pursuit of them for all our lives.
