There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I'm unusually relaxed for 1) Me; 2) Me getting on a plane ; 3) Me getting on a plane for a 4 day trip; 4) Me getting on a plane for a 4 day trip to another country. I'm used to more jitters and worries and "did I pack this?" and "what if I see a bug?". But I'm totally calm and calculated. I won't be late for my plane. It doesn't matter what bugs I'll see. I'm sure the weather will be perfect. I will enjoy myself thoroughly.
Because I need to. I have been yearning for this trip for a long time. I need to get away from myself, for longer than my lunch hour walks allow. Hopefully, this will let me.
