There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Sometimes, there are some practical, non emotional things in life that you can take HUGE lessons from. And sometimes the lesson doesn't hit you until way later.
I have this pair of shoes. VERY sexy. 3 1/2 inch heels. Black leather. Sling backs. Pointed toe (which I thougth I'd never wear because my mom told me that women who wear pointed shoes have the devil in them - so it was sheer denial on my part). But for whatever reason... they've been sitting on my very formidable shoe rack... and I haven't worn them. I thought it was because of the winter. But no... I've worn some sexy heels this winter (provided that it didn't snow). I thought it might be because I wore the heel to a hub, which I'm famous for doing; but upon inspection, the heel was in tact. I thought it might be because they needed a shine. But these were shiny. Maybe I'd just forgotten about them. They went great with my outfit today and I needed that sexy, sophisticated edge to attend this wine tasting tonight. So I slid them on - perfect. Walked around in them - comfortable. I was ready.
Then I got out side... walking around... still no problems... till I got to the train station. The train station has always been my point of no return (unless it's my wallet or my ring...i'm not going back and I'll have to make do without it for the day). I went up the stairs and the shoe came off. Clean off my foot. And I had to stop, in embarrassment, and place it back on my foot and keep going.
What had happened that I forgot about was that the elastic on the sling back had given way. Making the shoes too big for me. And I would walk clear out of the shoes for the rest of the day / night. Causing me to walk slower and flexing the muscles in my foot a certain way to assure that the shoe stayed on my foot causing me a lot of pain in my toes and my calves for the rest of the day. I was miserable.
Sometimes... just cause it looks good and you used to love it once and it seems like a good idea - might not always be the best thing. Anything that is bad for you has a glorious way of reminding you that it's bad for you. ALWAYS.
