There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
When a baby girl is gestating in utero at about 16 - 20 weeks, she has about 6-7 million oocytes (egg cells) in her body. Most of them waste away leaving about 1 - 2 million at birth. By the time puberty rolls around, a good healthy 3 - 400,000 of those remain. More than enough for a life time of fertility. Only about 400 will get used through the life of a woman's fertility. Most often, more than one egg is released during ovulation, but there usually a dominant egg and on occasion two (fraternal twins). But the eggs that don't get used make their way down the path and your body is informed to trigger the menstrual cycle. Sometimes... one of the eggs that is released, doesn't make it down the path and gets stuck on the ovary or lodged. And sometimes it can enlarge. This is usually the naissance of a cyst. Just and egg that didn't make the cut and wandered down the wrong path.
My cyst is pretty big. It's sitting atop my right ovary and I've been consoled that at this stage we can just watch it... no need to go in and do anything. And also warned that if it twists... it will be a pain that will launch me off to the emergency room.
I can't tell you how i feel about that part of my body right now. Sometimes I wish if it was all going to be defective, just scoop it all out and throw it away.
The slightest evidence of hope makes us hold on to the craziest things.
