There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
And all the stuff in between. The constant cycle. Never one without the other.
I found out that my sweet Sug's dad passed this morning. She said she found out yesterday that he had 24 hours to live... so she called and said her goodbyes. And this morning -- he was gone. It only got me to thinking...
What would you say to someone if you knew that they only had 24 hours to live? What would you say to the folks in your life if YOU had 24 hours to live?
Why do we wait for time to be so limited? It seems to be a common human flaw. Why can't we correct that? What are we afraid of?
Then... 12 hours later, I found myself on the phone, crying tears of joy to hear that my sweet Vernie is with child. My little sands is expecting a little one. I can't WAIT to see her in a few weeks. I feel like I'll hug her and not let go.
And in between I went from feeling wildly productive at work; feeling like I couldn't get enough done; feeling completely powerless with this whole lawsuit thing - to feeling totally in control; being totally serious and concerned - to laughing without pause or concern for the silence of those around me.
