There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
"Sometimes God puts his hand on something and moves it in a direction. Let Him. Because it's only when we push back... that we get bad results. "
This is what my Godmother (Nininne) told me when i called her and told her that I had made an aggregious mistake in the booking of my flight and would NOT be with her this weekend like I thought I'd be able to. In the excitement of finding a fare that wasn't 500 million dollars on a site called airfare.com, which I'm not altogether sure that I'd use again... I booked a flight for me and D for 3/24 - 3/26. WOO HOO!!! Friday through Sunday! It was only 219 per person when all other airlines were charging 4 and 5. I couldn't believe it but I wasn't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. AAWWW YEAH!!! As I'm sitting at my desk yesterday, desperately attempting to wrap things up so that I could have a clean conscience when I got on the plane on Friday, I get a call from D. "Did you know that this reservation says MAR24?" - huh??? WHAT???
Yeah. I did it to myself again. Not to mention I've been making the same kind of stupid mistake at work. I'm really beginning to think something is seriously wrong with me. So... I had planned this big trip for me and a bunch of my girlfriends to go down and see my Nininne and I wouldn't WAIT to just get out of NY for a little while. But because I was too excited... I booked a flight for a full month later than I meant to. I scrambled around for about 3 hours trying to find all possible ways for us to still go without our wallets BLEEDING. But it was impossible. It was gonna cost us AT LEAST $600 more dollars to get out there. I called my Nininne, completely defeated, praying that she hadn't gone and bought food for us all yet. And she put me totally at ease. "You're NOT supposed to be here this weekend. That's all. God has a different plan for you. Don't worry. Relax and let it happen. So, you'll come down in March. As long as I'm home, you can come ANY TIME YOU WANT." She was so understanding and amazing that I started to tear up. "You're not crying, are you?" she asked. "I was good until just now... I swear, "I admitted. "OH GIVE ME A BREAK!" she said with full eye rolling and what-am-i-gonna-do-with-this-child attitude.
Of course then followed the multitudes of phone calls letting folks down and disappointing. The worst of which I think was Vic - because she was down there already, she booked her ticket in like... 2003. She's so thorough. And I felt like such HOT garbage calling her to let her know that I wasn't coming. I would hope that she needed to take a vacay regardless, just to ease her mind and remove her from this setting. *Sigh* I still want to do something for her.
So we're re-aligning for March 24 - 26. Hopefully this time we can pull it off. So... 4 more days of sitting at home. Whee....
