There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Okay... so Max tagged me. And here I go with the top five weird (read: I'd NEVER been tellin' yall if Max didn't tag me) things about me.
I gnaw my thumbs into oblivion when I'm ennerved. Happens alot. Used to happen more as a kid. Couldn't imagine being a teacher watching me eat my thumbs (basically) till they bled. And... none of them pulled me aside or questioned me. No wonder kids are rollin up in school with bruises and no one cares. Word to the teachers out there reading this: if you have a child in your class who is eating away at a part of herself - TALK TO HER. There are issues.
I used to eat my own boogers. This lasted well into my early adolesence... and looking back on it.. I wonder if it was because I was strange, or because I was just hungry. Funny... that used to be my BIGGEST secret ever. Now I'm like... so what if folks know. Not like I garnish my pesto with it now.
I have a set of behavior that I MUST do before I go to sleep. It's really OCDish. Most of the behavior involves tiring myself out enough to fall asleep *wink*. Ever since I discovered that glorious exercise... it's part of an almost nightly routine. I find that I can't sleep WITHOUT doing it most times.
I stare at the walls and floors of everywhere I enter (except work) usually looking for bugs of some kind. This weirdness is rooted in my fear of insects. But it's really freakish. It has, although, alerted me to a lot of beautiful architecture... (New Yorkers - look up at the main Post office... it's a treat) (no, I wasn't looking for roaches there.)
I have a nervous laugh at funerals or bad events. I feel the smirk coming on and for fear of seeming like a sociopath, I excuse myself behind fake coughs and hacks. It's purely nervous though. My first reaction is to laugh. Because I don't know what else I CAN do besides cry -- which is pointless sometimes.
