There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
No relation to the post... just had that quote in my head since I went to sleep last night.
Here I am again, awake at what used to be known to me as an ungodly hour, but it's been pretty easy to convince myself that I need to be up at this time. 6:45 rolls around and unfortunately inspired by the annoyance of hearing that my boss was looking for me, I go ahead and pull myself out of bed and I hardly feel as sleepy as I used to when I'd get up at 8:00. Early to bed, early to rise. I guess it's true. I feel much more in control of the things that I'm doing now. I get an earlier jump on things and I feel less inclined to stay at work till 11 PM (which is always good). Yet and still, I will have to find another way because being motivated by fear and annoyance is NO way to live.
I've been in a singular zone with the wedding planning lately. I dedicate all my energies when there is nothing else to do to researching items and calling folks and asking questions. It's pretty effin cool. I sent out my invitations to my Bridesmaids to be and got a few responses back. Of course from my sweet and dear Max, Vernie and Jenny. Even Teresa called me... I was really shocked and pleased at how excited she was and ready to serve. My Vic told me "she would respond in kind because she was raised with etiquette." I can't WAIT to see what that means because I guess the etiquette that I learned doesn't encompass all of that. I figured -- i didn't put any contact information in the card and hoped that the folks I chose would at the VERY LEAST know how to contact me. So we'll see for the ones that have yet to respond. Me and my incredibly shrinking Bridal Party.
I certainly feel more empowered though. Getting up early. Taking time to plan... instead of haphazardly roaming through life and feeling at the mercy of others who do exactly that. Kind of drift through the wind and land where it dictates. So I guess I'm in my 6 month stretch then (I usually have 6 months of unusual focus and then 6 months of pissing it all away). But I hope to beg and plead with the Gods to advance me next years 6 months of focus so that I can get this wedding planned and executed. That would be PHENOM.
