There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
It's that familiar hissing coming out of the project radiator. It's a warm bowl of oatmeal in the evening specially prepared by daddy as our supper or just an evening snack. It's cuddling up to mommy to watch Murder She Wrote or Matlock. It's fuzzy slippers. It's a hot shower that restores the heat to your extremities. It's a house full of your immediate family and nothing is pressing with anyone. It's flipping through an old photo album and smiling while you reminisce. It's a baby falling asleep in your arms. It's comforters wrapped like shawls and bodies tucked underneath with a warm mug of tea or hot cocoa. It's reading an extra good passage from the Bible, just reinforcing what you already knew. It's a phone call from a loved one and enough time to take it and not be rushed off the phone. It's a walk down a quiet street holding hands with a loved one. It's your favorite sweater. It's knowing you have the day off tomorrow. It's spooning. It's a child cuddling up to you because they trust you and feel safe. It's laying down after the shower that rinses you clean after cleaning your house. It's listening to the heartbeat of the one you love while he sleeps. It's crisp skies with fluffy clouds and a biting wind, knowing that your home is warm and you can watch it from the inside. It's a good drink (for real). It's sleeping in peace when the day is done.
