There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I went to bed early last night in the hopes of catching a few extra z's. Unfortunately, that wasn't the divine plan for me. Around 4:00 AM I must have tossed or turned and been aware of my surroundings (because usually, when I sleep... that's it. I'm dead to the world). I heard yelling outside. It was yelling half in english, half in spanish and it was men. I wanted to go to the window and find out what was happening, but the last thing I needed was to be at the window when someone pulled out their gun and started erroneously shooting arond and one comes thru my window. So I laid still in the bed for a long time just listening. Someone was really angry because his voice kept coming through my window. Then the flash of sirens and the twinkling of the lights on my ceiling alerted me to the presence of some kind of law enforcement. Then more twinkling lights ... and silence. I didn't hear any shots fired off. Maybe someone got stabbed. Not sure. Of course my mom had the scoop... cause she was IN HER WINDOW the whole night. Talkin' about Yeah, there were 2 ambulances and the police were looking through the garbage pails and etc.... You know... the directive to stay laid in bed came from her a long time ago. I really overly listen to my parents.
After I managed to get to sleep around 7:30... the phone rings again. I look at the caller id. It's a family friend, according to the number that read out his name and everything. But, he never calls this early, so I sneak to listen to the convo and make sure he's alright. The voice I hear coming through the receiver (outside of my mom's) is of a very concerned, very frightened young woman. "Have you heard from ___? I know he's on a trip but I haven't heard from him since Wednesday and I'm very, very worried..." And GENUINE worry, folks. Like it was his wife and he's been missing for a week style worried. But I got the scoop... and he's on a trip WITH his wife. Since last wednesday and will be back tomorrow. Apparantly, this was his girlfriend, who he set up with varied amenities like a phone and an apt... etc. But left out the little details of this trip he went on. And it made me just stop and think about how little he does actually think of this woman's feelings. And how she has overthought her own. Could say it like Ray did -- "You knew the rules when you got into this..." I really felt badly for this woman. I said a prayer for her that she comes to this realization. Sooner than later.
Thank you Thank you to all who commented on my blog the last few days. I swear I've never felt prettier. And although I look at the picture and can totally draw a circle around where I see this "non-existant" pouch (the one that I know is there)... I've given it less importance, thanks to you all. Therefore - 1) I won't be shipping the dress out to anywhere *wink* 2) I'll try to be more forgiving of my figure as it is a work in progress -- always 3) I'll post my "secret" about what I'm doing to lose weight here this evening 4) I'll remember all of your kind words when I feel like tugging at another dress. Y'all are the bomb and have given me so much hope, you have no idea!! Blogger Kindred RULE!
