There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Yep. I know. Time Warner has sucked REALLY BAD. Like... I have no words for how bad. Like... since August 17th bad. And how much stuff has happened? A LOT. More than I can remember to blog here today. I'm just tired and hopefully soon, will be a little drunk and I'll get to sleep. But here's the list
- new coworker started last week. can't wait for him to be trained up - haven't really spoken to the 'rents since the blowup - spoken at length with broham - he's keeping me sane. - went to another wedding. - spent a quiet weekend in dc with the mister. - feeling a little bit more energetic, but over all not healthier. - more relationships changing as time moves on. - took a vow of celibacy. - seeking counseling - attended chapter meeting AND deployed the newsletter like a good little aka. - almost went toe to toe with my new boss on some stuff that wasn't my fault. - lost more weight. - almost started my abuse blog. (chickened out. again.) - going on a drinking binge for my 31st -- hopefully will come out the other end alive. - celebrated my baby's 31 (today). tried hard to make it festive. sad that i had to try hard. - learning more about myself and how others percieve me every day.
And that's all I have energy to spare for. I need the rest of it to lift this glass.
