There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I feel like I'm back from the dead. I have time to myself now. Maybe even time to finish my many awaiting projects... clean my room... start going to the gym again. EVEN TIME TO SLEEP... which is most awesome of all. That dreaded project I'd been working on for 5 weeks has successfully completed and I'm no longer bound by it. So... back to regular living... and getting home at a semi decent hour.... having 3 square meals a day (even though... I did lose a considerable amount of weight messin with these deadlines)... and ... best of all... getting to hug my sweet baby for as long as he'll let me. *sigh* You know, he still gets goosebumps when I kiss him.... almost 5 years later???? I had a glorious weekend waking up to him and spending time with him and having him express his affections to me in numerous ways. He was so affectionate and it was exactly what I needed from him. We had a falling out the other day and the ripples from it lasted a few days. But we finally reconciled on Friday morning and it's been great since then. He's my beloved and I am his. We have a trip to make to Watermill this weekend so we can pay payment II of our millions of payments on the hall where we'll be getting married :-D.
On the flip side of living, my line sister (#3) emailed me last night and told me that her mother passed away on Sunday morning. My heart sank. I remember her mom and how full of life and God she was. When Bertie first told me that she was sick I worried for B... But it seemed like she and her sister had it under control. Eventually they sent her (her mom) down to South Carolina to live her days there. And then Bertie packed up and moved down there with her. And things seemed steady for a while. I'd ask about her mom and she'd ask about mine and our answers were about the same. "Well... you know..." So her mother passing came out of left field and really just weighed down on my heart. I couldn't help to think of what I'd do right now if it were my mom. How destroyed I'd be. I'll be praying for her and preparing for a trip to South Carolina in the near future.
