There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I used to depend on them to re-energize me and revive me for the perils that were to be the week to come. But now adays I come out of the weekend feeling more tired and just barely dragging my feet through the week ahead. It's a shame, because I'm actually not allowing myself to enjoy the moment because I'm trying to RACE to the next weekend to get some sleep. I need some vitamins or SOMETHING.
Last night my baby and I got to his house and we went to sleep fairly early. (midnight, which is early for me). We woke up at 9... went back to sleep and woke up again at 11. Where we just lounged about for a few hours before milling about and getting ready for the outside world. When I got out of his car, I felt perfectly refreshed and relaxed. And now I sit here typing at my computer COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED. Like I need to take a nap or something. I just felt drained when I walked through the door to the apt. This isn't right or normal. *sigh*
