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There is a mental state
I strive to achieve
a homeostatic state
a humming
a lull
like those alpha wave
tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear
that in my head all day.
Instead of the
clanging of my
thoughts
and the
clashing of my
wants
versus
what I should do
need to do
and the sad,
bright violins
from "Sunshine"
so melancholy
so consistent
that remind me
how it is
not to have
anyone understand

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    Thursday, June 2, 2005

      Day III: W Day

      (I need to finish these posts so that I can post in the present time!)

      OKAY... the day was here. I rolled over about 9:00 AM committed to being at the wedding hall by 2:00 PM. So we had plenty of time. My baby and I lounged in the bed sleeping on and off till about 10 and then we hauled our butts out of bed and into the shower. Dressed and hit the street we headed to the WalMart to put together my line sisters' wedding emergency kit. At this time I'll remind folks that I've never been in a wedding before (not as a bridesmaid - I was a flowergirl once, but I was also 5 years old). So I'm trying to do this right. Or better than right, really. I never wanted to look back and have folks say... "Damn, Victoria was a bad choice for a bridesmaid." followed by the customary shaking of the head and *tsk* sound. She only gave me 3 tasks

      1) The Program
      2) The Emergency Kit
      3) Make sure her makeup stayed fresh during the wedding.

      I figured I'd be able to handle that. The program was a breeze... If I know how to do anything... it's desktop publishing. So here is the finalized Program for an idea of what it looked like. She picked out and bought the paper, I just laid out and designed the pages themselves.



      So I put together as nice an emergency kit as I could manage. Here's a shot of the finished product.



      Not half bad if I do say so myself. I was pretty proud of me. There wasn't an emergency that could have been had that I wasn't prepared for. Everything was in there from AlkaSeltzer and Bleach Pens to Benadryl and Lint Removers, Saftey Pins for yo'mama and even a mini flashlight.
      Hmm... maybe I should start selling these.... *teehee* I put it in the sparkly Caboodles box because it looked like... maybe a Fairy Godmother put it together... and that goes right in line with her theme: Happily Ever After.

      After breakfast and sitting there putting the kit together and getting my bearings on what I needed to do next, my baby commented several times that I seemed tense. Nervous. Jittery. He assured me time and time again that I had nothing to worry about and that everything was going to go according to God's plan. I was sure of this. So I washed up a little bit and started to get ready for the wedding. I took my hair out of the curlers (mistake #1) and began to apply my make up before I got dressed (mistake #2). My baby came over to assure me that I was beautiful and everything was going to go right. Yep. He assured the hell outta me. Sweated my hair out and everything. (I know... TMI... but it's crucial to the story). So now I have fallen curls... the need to shower again. But I am completely at ease and relaxed. To the point that when I saw my line sister it's the first thing she remarked about me through all the hustle and bustle of HER day. "Sands, you look so calm. Even her cheeks aren't tense, Jenny, look at her. What did you do?" "E took care of me," I responded calmly. She burst out laughing. "That's some good shit, Sands... tell him I said do it more often!" Of course the next thing she said to me was.... "Uhhh... Someone's gonna help you with your updo... RIGHT SANDS????" Like... "bitch you better get your hair together before you show up on MY court." (hears Max laughing that I called it a "court").

      I arrived to the hall at 2:00 and no one else was there but me. and I waited patiently. I didn't have much to do so I wasn't going to stress. I attempted to put a few strands of my hair back in rollers to see if they could pick up some semblance of a curl while I waited to get dressed. When Vernie got there, she was in full General mode. I stopped myself from calling her Big Sister Dean Bride at one point. But you know what, she knew exactly what she wanted and when... and if you weren't instrumental at that particular moment to setting it off, she would be the one to tell you. I admire her determination. She managed to carry it off with grace and excellence. Only my line sister can do that. The amount of running around we were doing down there, plus the presence of showers and folks using them made it impossible for my hair to recoup. So, I got my good friend from college, Marie, to hook up the do so that I didn't look a hot mess the whole time. And she hooked me up. I looked like I went to a salon like the rest of the girls did. So okay... No soft curly updo like I wanted, but I was respectable enough to be in my line sisters party.

      During the hustle and craziness in the dressing room, I got caught up in feverishness of the moment. The "do-it-now-and-shut-up" style motion that was going because we were running a half hour behind at this point. My #3, Bertie, was doing my #5's (Jenny) makeup. I'm going over all the stuff in my head that I read in my Bridesmaid's Guerilla Handbook about this NOT being my day at all. This is the brides day. Tend to the bride... don't outshine the bride, etc. Jenny turns to me and says, "Do you think that my make up is too muted?" and out gushes "You're not the bride; it's fine." DOH! There is no way I'll be able to take it back. But I still feel bad about saying it that way. I apologized to her that same hour... but I felt like a dick. Still do. Still gotta work on that filter of what I'm thinking and what's right to say.

      The longest story short... She was an absolute princess. I cried the WHOLE time... and for the first time in my life for so long completely out of joy. We laughed and joked and had fun. I maintained my sanity in the humidity and bugs (only flinched once, but the bug was in my ear). And all in all, had a great time. We lit their way to the limo where they were whisked off to their 2 week honeymoon in Greece. And when the doors closed on the car, I missed her already. I know she's having fun and her new chapter is beginning. I pray that distance doesn't keep me from actively participating the new life she's forging.Congrats Vernie!!! I'll remember this always!



      And now... for Max........ *rubs hands together* *cackles wicked laugh*

      *

    TD |12:53 AM |