There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I just finished watching the last episode of Six Feet Under and I really have to say that I'm anxiously awaiting the premiere of what I now know to be the final season. I miss how much more I would appreciate life after I watched an episode. We really take this thing for granted. And as sucky as it can get, and as down as we can feel... We have far more blessings afforded to us than we care to count.
My baby's spirits are high and I'm annoyed that I find that unusual. Today I got some correspondence from Cary and I read it to him. He joked and made light of it and at one point he wrote me a beautiful poem where he told me that he's learned to lust for me again... not just love me. I sat and read the poem a million times. I have "skin that glows like a moonlight embrace..." and there I was at my desk. Literally swooning. I've been dating / have loved this man for 4 years. You'd think all the swooning was done. *sigh* He placed his fingers at the nape of my neck today while he was watching tv. We've sat there a million times watching tv... and it's been years since he inactively paid attention to me like he was. So I asked... "why has it been so long since you've touched me like this?" He tried to shrug it off or act like he didn't hear the question, but when I pressured, he answered right off. The job was choking his spirit and he wasn't himself anymore. He was being wholly sincere. And I sincerely responded that I hope he NEVER gets to that point again.
