There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
That's what we've been doing in this household. Thanks to my baby and his steadfast commitment to his word, my brother, he and I got together yesterday, bought a bunch of supplies, strapped on some dust masks and went at the kitchen. I dare say my kitchen is bearable now. I'm not afraid of it as much but it has everything to do with the fact that we gutted EVERYTHING: cabinets, under the sink, over the fridge, behind the washing machine. Everything came out, was inspected and cleaned and fumagated. And NOTHING went back in dirty. Not a thing. We mopped up the floors... and the place was just generally brighter. It looks great. Next stop today: bathroom and hallways. Maybe in the near future, we'll tackle my mom's dinette area... and really at that point... almost the whole house will be pristene. And I MAY be able to consider this a sanctuary again.
Whilst we were cleaning... and this is the first time I've ever blogged about it because I've just been SO ashamed of it... we were uncovering many a burial ground for... let's just call them... my little friends. Since the decline of my parents' health and my increased amount of time spent outside the house, not as much was being done to upkeep the apartment. The volume of stuff that had to be handled (and was being masterfully handled by my baby and my brother) was indeed staggering. After attacking a few mainstays (cabinets, top of the storage shelf) where I was instructed to "go in the living room till we call you", when I was allowed to comeback, my baby looked me right in the eyes and through his mask whispered, "I am your husband, Victoria." I knew he was being cute about it a la Darth Vader. But he really meant it. He meant: "No other negro you've ever dated or would have ever dated would be doing THIS for you. No other man you've ever been with cared about your welfare AND your family like THIS. I have the right to say this. You are mine and I am your husband. I was sent here for that." And now he's on his way back here today to help me with the bathroom (quick work, because I have been doing upkeep there), and to get rid of some of the bookshelves that are now just a nuisance and in my mom's way so she can use her brand new Rollator to get around the house.
