Right Now I'm...

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Recap...

Okay... i'm dealing with a lot right now. I will try to compartmentalize as much as possible so that I can get it all out on paper before I make myself insane.

Call it Quits

Okay... so kDot quit yesterday. I'm only using the "q" word because it is shorter - but he resigned. And quite stylishly. He got to send out his own email announcing it... got to walk around and say bye to everyone... and he left on his own terms... at least yesterday. He would have never left if he was happy. But he was very UN happy and it was apparant. Overtly apparant. So for a few seconds... I felt like November 2003 again when he walked out and I realized he wasn't coming back. At least the office wasn't that bright again... There was a ... brightness where the light was permeating places where there was stuff before. But there was so much less stuff...because everyone was gone. Somehow we managed to do what was needed today without any major breakdowns. So we'll have to see how the rest of the weeks go. They've said they're going to "look for his replacement" but who knows how long that will take. and I'm not too inclined to trust whoever it is. Time will have to tell

Countdown to Unity

Vernie's wedding is Sunday coming. I'm too excited about it. I can't wait to see her go down the aisle. I hope that she's not too stressed. I spoke to her today and she is... but I told her how envious I am of her. How I'd LOVE for it to be me in her position now. Just a few days away from the beginning of my new life. She's enviosu of me and how much time I have to plan our day. Human nature, huh? Never satisfied with what you have. She's put me in charge of a couple of things for her and I like how it empowers me to feel like I'm helping her out, rather than sitting here in NY waiting to fly to Florida and just stand in her wedding with a pretty dress on. So I am in charge of her 1) program 2) makeup maintenance the day of 3) her emergency kit for the day. I better get crackalakin'.

Good Love

I spent some of my weekend with my baby. I'm happy to report that we spent really good quality time just hanging together. He was in rare form on Sunday. And that's all I'll say about that *wink*. Just hope he's not stringing me out till another month or two. But I enjoy his company so much. I can't ever seem to get enough. He was really in a bad way on Friday. He heard back from the Teaching Fellows program that he applied / interviewed for and they turned him down. He wasn't so much upset about THAT particular opportunity turning him down as he was about feeling trapped at the jail. He wants out and bad. Bad enough for him to badmouth God for a quick sec, calling Him a "prankster / joker who is playing with our lives and doesn't really care." Mannnn... he might as well have been talking about my moms the way I got upset at that. I gave him a half hour sermon about God's Love and unconditional support. I didn't know I had that in me. But it showed itself Saturday. He saw the error of his ways in saying that. I hope I can convince him to trust in the Lord more. I'm not a big religious freak or an evangelist of any kind... but I trust whole heartedly in the will of God. I've seen his hand in my life too many times to deny it. He has ALWAYS been there for me... and sometimes I had to see it in hindsight. The equally yoked thing is going to be a hurdle for us to surmount, but we will. I'm sure of it.

Showers

The Saturday before last we showered my Vernie for her up coming wedding. This past Saturday we showered one of my ug Chapter Sorors, Loretta, who is having a little precious baby boy. Her story gives me faith and strength. She wasn't supposed to be able to bear a child. And here she is... a month and some away from giving birth to life. That HAS to inspire me. My parents were cleaning out the fridge on Saturday and found my reminder from God. It was a good reminder to me... that I promised not to despair. Even when things seem hopeless. God's got this.

More later...

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