There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I had a few bizzarre dreams that I wanted to document before I forget them. I managed to sleep all the way through the night and almost feel very rested if it wasn't for the craziness in these dreams that had me up for a few minutes after I'd awaken from them wondering what the hell is going on in my head.
The first of the dreams has definitely got to do with how much I've been listening to the new Common album. I've been o.d.'ing on it and last night the video for "Go" came out so that makes it even worse. Now I had imagery for my crazy imagination to foose with. So I dreamt that I was basically in this apartment but circa 1970. Lots of orange light and orange muted decoration. And I'm there with... none other than Common. Which isn't half bad. That's a good lookin' brother. Anyways, I'm getting the idea that this is his apt and he's brought me there to wine and dine and whatever else me. So he's doing a fine job of it too... cooking for me... reciting poetry all the shit that I love. I start to hear noises in the hall way outside and I immediately get antsy. I start asking him... listen, are you sure no one is coming home tonight? He calmed me down and assured me that no one else was going to be here except he and I. And with that it was time to walk the green mile to the bedroom... which was similarly adorned with orange fixtures and now I knew I was in this apartment, because he laid me on my parents' bed essentially. Well, he goes and crawls onto the bed on top of me in between my legs and he starts kissing me and caressing me and it all feels great... till I hear a key in the front door. In the dream I automatically knew I wasn't supposed to be here. This wasn't my place and I was stealing moments from someone else. So I hid under the bed and listened quietly as Common went to the front of the apartment to distract and dissuade whoever was there. Obviously female (from her voice) and she ended up leaving. I got up, straightened myself up and made a b-line out of there. He tried to convince me to stay or come back another night, but I was too through with that situation. And the thing that lasted with me beyond the dream was the feeling. That horrid 2nd fiddle feeling. I laid up for a half hour with that feeling before I finally went back to sleep.
The second dream I had was a dream I've had before, but it's so weird I never document it. I'm in a high school. I dare say that I'm attending the High School (but it's NOT Prep). And there is a mystery to be solved and I'm part of some crackpot group of kids that attend the HS that are like... detectives. The school is antiquated and has a top level floor that was a hotel or something before it became a school and they preserve that part of it for historical reasons. So we go through out the school tryhing to solve this mystery that has to do with terrorists chasing us and we're trying to get to whatever it is that they came to the school for. All the while having to also deal with the likes of the "popular" clique. Which at th eend of the dream we show them what for. So after we've solved the crime and are walking away victorious and independantly minded, as we're walking up a strip of street I manage to glance into the sky over by the horizon (which I always end up doing anyway) . And as usual I see the plane traffic to LaGuardia (which is by my house) and one plane flips up and does a nose dive into the ground. So I stare and wait to make sure it wasn't a figment of my imagination. Then I see the black smoke rising and I yell to my teammates: "The planes are falling out of the...." no sooner do I say it than do I see a Space Shuttle. The likes of the Columbia, not yet detatched from it's fuel tanks flying above us... looking like it's having mechanical problems and it does the funny flip up and nose dive like... a block from us. After realizing that I didn't hit us directly in the head... I grabbed the arm of who was next to me and started booking in the opposing direction of where the wake of fire would be travelling. And I woke up running.
Pretty disburbing. I guess I still have my 9/11 nightmares. Those were the only kinds I was having after that experience. Planes just up and crashing. Planes coming through buildings that I live in. Planes taking out family members right in front of me but not me.
Umma have to eat something happier before I go to sleep.
Speaking of Happier... Vernie's Bridal shower went off with nary a hitch. Here are some pictures:
