There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
This was the day that was slated for us to spend on our own, just doing our own thing. At the rehearsal dinner the night before many different plans were discussed... some people wanted to go shopping; some wanted to go to the beach; others still wanted to go get beautified. I remembered putting my name down on all those lists ending the conversation with a "please call me and let me know what your doing. When I rolled over in the bed at 10:00 AM and looked at thei inactivity of my phone I figured one of two things: they forgot to call or they just didn't want me there. I gave it the benefit of the doubt and placed a few calls. I got a lot of, "Oh mama, we didn't know you wanted to come with us" or "We figured you and Earl were doing your own thing" or "I went with so & so because I didn't want to be a third wheel to you and Earl." Well, by about the 5th phone call, I'd had enough of all of that. Fine. No one wanted to be our "third leg" "third wheel" "barnacle on our ship" etc. Even though we go out of our way to NEVER make folks feel that way. I was brooding for a second when my baby pulled me out of it. "Maybe this is God's way of having us spend time together, alone. Let's enjoy it." He was right. So we suited up and went to have breakfast, found all the malls in WPB, went sight seeing and just basically had a bang up time. Around 3:30, we went to Amtrak to pick up my #3 Bertie. Then we picked up her rental which was this Lincoln Signature... HUGE car. Lots of amenities. Earl insisted that we drove that around and Bert got a chance to lounge in the back as we chauffered her around to malls and to dinner.
We came out of the Garden Mall and it was more humid than when we went in. We stared at the sky and there were many lightning shows going on in isolated clouds. Bertie and I were excited about it and just stared at the lightning passing over the pillows in the sky. Never having it dawn on us that it meant an impending storm. We figured, the storm had passed while we were inside. Or maybe it was just lightning, no rain. Because there was no thunder, it wasn't really a stretch for me to believe. As we drove along we made plans to hook up with everyone else for dinner at Olive Garden. While we waited for Berts to come back from the hotel after changing, it started to rain a little. Then a lot. Then so much that the words "Oh man, I can't see" came out of my baby's mouth when he was driving. I've NEVER heard him say that so it became cause for me to panic. We were, in moments, driving through a river. It was torrential. We saw other cars getting into accidents. We were pretty scared. But my baby's masterful carefullness got us out unscathed. We got to the Olive Garden and took 5 steps from the car to the door... and got DRENCHED. It was like we took a quick shower before we came in. But we were out in the rain for a heart beat.
We ultimately met up with everyone else and were seated for dinner where our server showed her ASS. She had like... some kind of developmental disability. We wanted to separate the checks: she had such a hard time understanding who was on whos check. The orders were taken really slow. We aged about 5 years waiting for our drinks to come out. And when they did come out they were wrong / made badly / old (like they had been sitting on the bar waiting for her slow ass for like... 2 days). Dony had the Chocolate Almond Amore and I had the Frozen Tiramisu. By the time we got them all the whipped cream was all melted to the side, the drink itself was separating in the glass... it was JUST GROSS looking. I didn't even get my little biscotti that i love so much. Then... when setting it down, she put the CAA in front of me and gave Dony the FT... I said to her... that order is reversed. Her response? "Oh... I don't drink... I don't knwo what those look like." HUH???? I mean... you're just a waitress here. God Forbid anyone should hold you to actually knowing what the stuff looks like. Anyways, eventually, the manager was alerted - but not before homegirl came out and asked us to be considerate of her because she hasn't been at this job for 9 months yet and is working parttime as a receptionist and learning to speak French. Um... right. But you're not receiving calls her Nor are you speaking french.. so NONE of that is helping YOUR tip right now. The manager came and gave us significant discounts off of what we orderd and we were off to pick up my #2 Teresa from the airport.
Upon picking her up and seeing that she looks more now like she did when I first met her than ever (Super long hair, kind of a boho look to her... very cute) we whisked her off to Chanda's parent's home which was not far at all from Breakers West (where the wedding was to be held). We dropped her off, came back to the hotel room where I showered, washed my hair called up Bertie so she could roller set my hair. While she did that we watched a HORRIBLE show. I'd never seen it before and honestly, I probably would have done better never to see it. It's called Cheaters. Totally not a show I should ever watch again. It was basically a show where if you suspect your lover is cheating, they send a team to follow the person around, get video tape and audio on their interactions, then you roll up in a white van at one of the rendezvous points and confront them. MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN... When they showed the video of one dude just completely living another life with his next chick... walking around holding hands, kissing, going to bridal salons and looking at rings together (I'm talking about... this is THE OTHER WOMAN)... I broke out in tears. That shit is crazy. Living a dual life. Those hurts are fresh for me still. And I imagine they will be for a long time. My baby, puzzled, comforted me and assured me that this is the present... and he's not the other cats. Fair enough. But I just don't need to watch that show anymore. He fell asleep while we continued the beautification, watched a bit of Jerry Springer... and then Berts (once she was done) left, and I assumed the position under the bonnet dryer that I borrowed from Vernie to complete the process.
After drying for an hour, I laid next to my baby in the "I have rollers in my hair and cannot afford to shift them around by laying on them so I'll be uncomfortable all night" stance. And drifted off to sleep.
