There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
So when Sunday night closed out its final hours this week, i thought to myself "this is about to be a hella long week. I'm not looking forward to it." And here I am. 41 minutes to Friday. It did go by like a blur. I'm glad for it and at the same time, more hourse of my life that can never be reclaimed have slid out from under me. Our counter says 653 days till the wedding now. I remember when it used to say 800 some odd. Time is slipping away. But I'm holding on to the world as it spins around.
I had some dreams last night and when I woke up from BOTH I said I'd remember to blog about them - but to no avail. I need to start sleeping with pen and pad by my bedside so that I can jot down the main points before I fall back into a slumber. I really feel the loss of those dreams throughout the day because I feel like there's a message I'm not fully conveying to myself when I let those go. But in the present moment, the sleep is also precious. So I don't let that go in the moment either. I can only live full of thought or full of rest. Never both.
I think I'll indulge in the latter.
he makes me glow and sparkle like the gems on this finger. and everyone can see the difference. - 4tress
