There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I got a chance to enjoy the weather thanks to D who came and snatched me up from my desk and FORCED me to go outside. Honestly, there wasn't any arm twisting. I needed the time out and the company. So we went out to "lunch" where we walked around downtown and had ice cream. It was fun. We took the long way around everything and just strolled along like we hadn't a care in the world. It was good to be in the sun, laughing and talking. I'm grateful for my friends. Then... more friendship: This evening was last night, part two. Max and I did EXACTLY, almost down to the letter, what we did yesterday. It was funny. We had agreed that we both needed and wanted a drink. So we had that. And they were plentiful and we were nice when it was over. The Mr. happened to be in the area so he swept through and took us home (again)... we laughed in the car with him and Tone. It was good. I'm relaxed today. I let go of a lot of boxed up crap that was sitting on my soul between last night and today. Plus, auntie got her 2 day eviction notice today. Right in time for the weekend (yesssss) so my heart is calm, my soul is at peace, my body feels good. I'm trying to maintain that for a few days before any drama comes in and unsettles me again (cause it's bound to happen), but at least I can enjoy some spiritual peace in the mean time. Especially since I made the decision about T. I've just prayed my little prayer to God whenever her name comes up and I leave it up to Him. Not much else I can do.
Had a talk with a co-worker about trust today. I was advising him to trust NO ONE. Which is so unlike me. I always start out trusting people 100% and then they tick downwards as time and circumstance take over. Maybe not a hot policy, but at least, everyone I know can say, at some point... I trusted them wholeheartedly. But people are people. I've afforded myself a lot of heartache that way... but at the same time, I've always given people the opportunity to be exactly who they COULD be to me. I read a quote on an email a while ago that has become so cliche, but it applies:
"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."
If we don't allow ourselves to feel everything like it's new, we rob ourselves of precious life experience. But, we risk hurt. I just have become keen to when that's down the road and know a little better. He's been hurt a number of times already by this same type of situation by the same people over and over. Lesson learned... he needs to move away from that strategy.
On a lighter superficial note... I have a new scent! I'm excited. Up until now Coco Mademoiselle and Thierry's Angel have been my aura of choice. But my dear Soror Louisa brought me samples of Narciso Rodriguez for Her which is splendid and unlike anything I've ever tried. And I like how i feel when I'm wearing it. Purely feminine and passionate. Maybe there's some pheremones in there... *hmmm... stares at bottle* LMAO! I hope I can get to sleep, I smell so damned good!
