There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
So I'm back from the Phenomenal Woman luncheon, and you know how you can realize why you were in a certain place at a certain time? The reason I was there was undeniable, because I had the option not to go. But I went, a little reluctantly because it would eat up time out of my day and I am actually very busy. But I went, thinking... hey free meal! And since waking up late from having some seriously glorious dreams, I hadn't had breakfast. So this would be my meal for the day. So I sat there at a table full of women that I don't know (who had all either nominated someone or been nominated for Phenomenal Woman. I was the only one sitting there who had not been nominated. *sigh* One day.)
So I'm sitting there and one of the presentations being made was a liturgical dancer. She was dancing to "For Every Mountain" sung by the Brooklyn Tabernacle choir. I've seen more impressive liturgical dancers before... like the Soror in my chapter that does it (who also offered to do it for my wedding, which I will take her up on)... everytime she dances she has me in Holy Spirited tears. So this particular dancer wasn't AS impressive. But she started out on the stage and then began to move through the crowd and pick people in the audience and gesture the words to them. Her conviction in the song was strong. The words were as follows:
For every mountain You've brought me over, For every trial You've seen me through, For every blessing, Hallelujah For this, I give You praise
Your browser doesn't support the EMBED tag, but you can still listen to the music on this page by <a href="http://www.thoughtsdaughter.com/sounds/foreverymountain.mp3">clicking here.</a> Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir - For Every Mountain
After about 3 or 4 times, she came over right to me and gestured it all to me... I was pretty stoic through the whole thing (cause I really don't like being observed in that nature in a large setting)... but the words were coming RIGHT THROUGH to me. Most other people just got pointed to when she went through her motions... she grabbed my arm and shook it, like, "Look... this is for YOU, really. Listen."
And I was. I really felt it in my heart. I sat down after rising to my feet to clap at the end of the performance and I was a little overwhelmed.
I was holding down the urge to full on cry at the table around total strangers when they announced the main speaker. Shon Gables from CBS2 News This Morning. She's been at our events before and has said some stuff, but nothing motivational. This time, she unleashed it and I was standing in it's wake. It's a kind of talk that I've not heard in a long time but always spoke directly to me. Talk of how without a vision, a people perish. The talk of speaking your will in to existence and putting your goal before you in writing. Of being singularly focused on your goal and getting ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you want done by sheer will. I haven't really heard anything like that since I've been in the business and I did need to hear it again today. I went up to Ms. Gables afterwards and thanked her for the message she delivered which must have been the reason I was there. I have to get that kind of focus again. Living perpetually with the belief that if I want something, I CAN AND WILL HAVE IT. Because I said so. I never lived life another way. Except for now when I've been measuring my ability by others doubt and lack of faith. Time for that to stop, post haste. Time to reclaim my stuff.
Plus, Narciso is working WONDERS for me. At least 3 men told me today that I smell like an angel. Wooo! I gotta stave off the urge to bathe in this stuff!! *tee hee*
