There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
"Lilac wine is sweet and heady, like my love" -Nina Simone
That is the song that will be playing in my head this week. You sometimes listen to a whole album to find ONE song that changes your whole day. That one was it. Off of the Verve Remixed 3 album. It was the only one that made me stop and really listen to it. It is the soundtrack to which I designed the NEW Thought's Daughter. Brighter, not cloaked in shadow, still honest and sad when needed but overall showing a bolder face to the sun. I adore the Thought's Daughter that got me to this point. But, it's time for her to shake off the funk. I hope everyone enjoys it (the song on my radio blog <--- and the new design).
Okay, so today... quiet. Truly. I sat there designing and listening to this song while my baby played the Fight Night game I bought for him in Atlanta. Jess came in every so often to hang or to show off her new pink towel bag (for our annual trip to the beach). Then it was an afternoon in the Delancey area with him, his mom and Jess. I truly didn't feel uncomfortable. I was part of the family and that's where I belong. I was really happy. The bond between his mom and I is one that I cherish and look to strengthen with any opportunity. It was a gloriously sunny day and my baby leaned over to me in the parking lot of the Lowe's and whispered to me "Jess idolizes you... I'm really glad we found you..." I had such a big smile on my face when I remember her running downstairs to see if we were ready and she said "HEY we both have blue shirts on today!!! COOL!" And althought totally NOT the same color blue... I was excited that she was excited. Her level of comfortability in talking to me has gotten to be more lately. I'm excited that she sees me as someone she can talk to. I remember being that age and not really feeling connected to ANYONE older than me. So I'm glad to be an outlet to her. She has a nice old soul though. It's easy to talk to her.
So now I'm back home... just working away so that I can maybe sleep in a little tomorrow *teehee* I'ts a shame that I plan in advance to be delinquint. And I just glanced down at my pjs... and the pants and shirt say...
"HELLO my name is DIVA"
and I just burst out into a giggle to myself. Cause I truly am one.
