There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Usually, right before a flight, I sit with the jitters... butterflies in my tummy... just nervous. I always fear flying because it's my luck that I'd die in some horrific crash or turn of events (which is probably why 9/11 freaked the hell out of me. I had nightmares for 3 months). But I'm sitting here very calm and reassured that I'll make it to my final destination. Maybe because I know if something happens... the man i love will be right there, holding my hand.
Morbid, I know... but he would be the first one I'd call if something were happening. That someone I was supposed to find.
Still would suck to die that way. But I'm not worried about it today.
