There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I felt pretty at peace and leisurely this weekend. Even thought I worked pretty hard. Saturday, I worked on my chapter's directory for a little while then my baby came up with his Cousin Jessica (scroll to the flower girls) who is just one of the most precious little girls I know. When she's with us, my baby and I feel like a little family. She's just as quiet and intropective as I was when I was her age (she's 10). I asked her to be in our wedding. She accepted! She didn't even know that we were engaged. So I had the joy of telling her. She inspected my ring and said "It's nice!" We spent the afternoon together, doing laundry, got a small pizza, watched "The Incredibles" together and then she went to bed promptly at 8:30. She's always a joy to be with.
After she went to sleep, my baby and I finished out the Incredibles (which, being a comic book fanatic, he read right through the story line... had me believing that he'd seen it before. We were dogg tired when it was over and remembered we promised to watch Ray this weekend. I looked at the time and watching that movie would keep us awake till midnight. My eyes were straight drooping... but we promised. I asked my baby not to be mad at me for falling asleep in the middle of the movie. So we put it on... and the sleep went RIGHT out of my body! I was riveted. It was a great movie and Jamie totally deserved his award. Unlike Will Smith in Ali, Jamie wasn't doing AN IMPRESSION of Ali... I forgot half way through the movie that I was even watching Jamie Foxx. I thought it was Ray all the way. Excellent movie.
The movie also tested my concreteness in the idea that a married man is just that; and there is NO changing them. I watched these women start to dedicate so much time, energy and effort in Ray and trying to make him happy and make him theirs. But he had NO intention of doing anything of the sort. And those chicks looked completely stupid to me. Those women were straight wasting their time and setting themselves up for more heartache than they could imagine. Watching it from out here made it so clear. More of that panning back. It is crystal clear from this height. I would hope others get the crisp understanding that comes with time and experience.
The day is getting on... and it's time for us to hit the streets. More later...
