There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
We would lay there and I'd caress his skin and every inch was a new delightful sensation for me. Did I let him know it? I'd kiss his lips and they were the perfect size and shape for mine and I indulged in him like sweet fruit. Could he feel my enjoyment? I would dote on his body's gentle breathing while he slept and be amazed how he had just rocked my world with motion or music or words. Did he feel my soul shiver? He would do something so boyish that it would immediately bring out the little girl in me. Did they get to meet? He would astound me with knowledge beyond what I thought anyone was capable of and I'd listen intently knowing I'd learn something new. Did he realize how much he taught me? I would sing in his presence because my heart was overflowing with emotion. Could he tell I was serenading him with those words? And when he's not there, the final thoughts before I sleep, the immediate first waking thought and all the breaths between were of him... hoping to hear from him, talk to him, see him, be with him... love him. Does he know how much he means to me?
