There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
It's a single word with just two syllables, but manages to placate the most ranging anger. I was sitting on the train today, just minding my business and focusing on the dullness of the sky... when this woman came on to the train. I was sitting on the corner / final seat of the row (which I like because the worst case is that I'll only be smushed from one side if it gets crowded. She walked on to the train and made a sharp turn to sit in the empty seat next to me. In the process of sitting down and getting comfy... she kicked me in the ankle, turned around, looked me RIGHT in the eye and went about her business. Got dayumit. All she had to do was say "sorry". Would have taken NO time at all and would have made me feel validated. She knew she kicked me, she was acknowledging it and also saying that she didn't MEAN to hurt me. But by looking me right in the face and not saying a WORD to me means she just didn't care how I felt about it. So I ended up sitting there, stewing mad at the rudeness of people. Until I fell asleep and just forgot about it... I'm not saying say "sorry" for everything. But if you've hurt someone... and really didn't MEAN to... say something. *shrugs* off my soap box.
