There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I'm suffering from the lack of desire to really sleep. I lay down and don't feel like I'm going to get much rest. I wake up achy and angry. I hate that I sleep worse since I quit smoking. *sigh* I dream less. And I wake up like a zombie. It's 2:24 and I haven't even yawned. I wish I didn't have ot go to work on Monday, cause I would just stay awake all night until I felt sleepy.
I'm watching this infomercial of sorts with Suze Orman. Young, Fabulous and Broke. That defines damned near everyone I know in my generation. Struggling a constant battle with a FICO score. I don't ever remember my parents talking about FICO scores. I wonder how they handled it back then. But now... that's what it's all about. How credit worthy are you? How much are you potentially worth to a company or a group of people or an autoshop or a mortgage lender? This ever changing, ever watching FICO tells them how much (additional) debt you can take on. It was a good informative show. Unfortunately, changes don't happen instantaneously. Even though you want them to. It all takes perseverance and persistence. *sigh* Two items that hings on discipline... and GOSH I'm undisciplined these days.
In any case... she talked about a question that a teacher asked her once: "How do you deceive yourself?" and ultimately the teacher stated that the answer was: "By thinking that you're not perfect." She stated: "Perfection is the starting point of the soul." and we have the ability to be or do anything we put our minds to, but we limit ourselves with the things we THINK we're NOT possible of.
Makes sense.
Maybe I'm capable of getting some sleep. My finances I'll have to tackle bit by bit.
