There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Some things in life are just necessary to healing. When a wound is open, you need medicine (anti-bacterial ointment or something), oxygen (air and space), protetction(a bandage of some kind) and time. The hope is with all those factors in effect at the same time, you'll heal and maybe not have much of a scar to worry about. But a lack of any of those risks a longer healing period; a defective or faulty healing; infection or sickness. All human organs apply - skin, bone, brain, heart. Literal and figurative. I'm attempting to heal up something and get back to some semblance of normalcy. But I'm not sure how long it will take or what will happen to me along the way... but... Erykah said it best, "I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere..." Time to right that wrong. It never fails though, that sharks smell blood in the water. They prey on weakness. I just hope that I can be as strong as I need to right now and stave off any craziness so I can allow myself to get past what I willingly put myself through.
I bought the tickets for ATL last night. So it's done. I'll be attending that in protest and it will be the most tumultuous that I've seen my sisters since I've known it. But my baby and Max have promised to hold me up while I go through it. *sigh* I need lots of prayer...
