There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Woke up this morning feeling especially young. Pretty. Alive. Excited about the day to come. The forecast had been calling for today's weather to be the best of the week... And now here it is. Brilliantly sunny, the perfect amount of wind and the right attitude when I rolled out of bed. I almost wore my leather miniskirt today but a voice inside said, "Don't hurt 'em, Vic... Not yet." Before a certain time of year, men can't compose themselves at the sight of bare skin. Especailly the legs. And not to toot my own horn, but I've got more than the average walking sticks. So exposing them now before we've had four or five straight days of warmth would be too much. I'll hold off... It'll be worth it.
Most importantly, I woke up on time and rested. Mom even commented that I didn't need the second and third wake up calls today. I went to sleep an hour earlier than normal and it made a huge difference.
Looks like i have another cut off to make. Some people just don't belong in your life after a certain time. Usually that time for me comes definitivley after I find myself having to chase them down in order to maintain our friendhip. I have serious reciprocation issues. I guess I take the whole "do unto others" thing a little far. But... If the only times we speak to or see each other is a direct result of me hounding or calling after you... Our time is limited. I can only deal with so much of that before I call it quits. My heart tries to give certain people tenure: "Well, such and such has been a friend for over x amount of years... Don't u think you should reconsider?" No. Not really. All relationships, friendships included, are about maintenance and understanding. If you'd been my friend for x amt of years, then you know very well what it takes to maintain our friendshhip. And ignoring, disregarding, not giving a rats ass about my feelings or me (or displaying like behavior), says to me... This isn't a friendship anymore. It's a convenience. Its a shame though. He was my oldest friend.
