There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I took it a little slower this morning and just stopped to go through the pictures I posted in my gallery under "My History, My Past" and I thought to myself... how did the time go by so quickly. I'm my parent's age now in those pictures. And me and my brother were just babies. It's like... it's been a blink of an eye, but I'm still so in touch with the kid in me who felt like it took forever to "become an adult".
Still an arduous process... Things in life just shift. Sometimes slowly; sometimes abruptly. But nothing stays the same. No matter how much you want them to. It's all a part of the process of growing. And the struggle is such an integral part of that. I was telling my baby about the Empire Butterfly story again... where the catepillar is fighting to come out of the cocoon and someone has pity on it and helps by prying open the casing. But then the butterfly comes out deformed and can't walk or fly. Because the struggle of coming out of the cocoon helps to strengthen it so it can live and fly and walk and breathe. It's hard to feel alone, or to deal with hardship or feel like you can't trust someone or to fight your way through a situation like work or school or family every day. I try to look at it as my cocoon. When I break outta this bitch... I'll fly, cause it's sure has been hard enough.
