There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I actually got to sleep before 2 am last night which is such a rarity for me these days. Since I quit the cancer sticks, I've been having to let my body decide when I'm ready to sleep. Not me deciding and then smoking myself into oblivion. Yesterday was the first time I did consider buying a pack. I was nervous about something. But I was able to overcome that fear fast enough to get it in check. I've been pretty good with it. Plus my cough is still not 100 percent all the way gone, so compounding it with some smoke is not the way for me right now.
I need to get in to a doctor soon. I have to get my physical and see what my status is. I have 2 friends who've come back in this year already with reports of heightened numbers and it makes me uncomfortable. I mean... my body doesn't suggest it, but I don't eat like crazy and I'm not constantly sticking my face into a deep fryer and bobbing for chicken. I eat fairly consciously and don't try to over stuff myself. I hope that my numbers reflect that. I got a call from V last night and she's having a time. Something cardiac related and she had to go have an operation to get things checked out. And now she's bed ridden for 7 days. It'll be good for her to sit still... she just really doesn't need to be having to sit still for this reason. Umma pray for her. Better yet, I'll go visit her later today if I have a chance.
