There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
For no reason at all, today I was very to myself. I felt my self just separating from the rest of the world. Just not wanting to be bothered and completely disinterested in the human world. I guess spending the whole day by my self really on Saturday put me into that mode. Not minding my phone not ringing or anyone trying to contact me or reach out. Usually I'm dying for someone to reach out. But again... just unaffected. Desensitized. I watched Lost in Translation again today to kill 2 more hours of TV wasteland time. Such a quiet movie. And I can so feel how they feel. Removed. Disconnected. No one around who really understands. Reexamining a lot of relationships and wondering why some of them exist. What the purpose for some them were originally and if they're still fulfilling that purpose. If not... why bother? I'm cluttering my life with undesireables and there really is no need. I guess I'll get to rectifying things soon enough.
I'm so tired... I hope this week is better than today.
