There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
So I read Max's Post today and I tried to post all of this in that space... but it wouldn't fit... so I put it here:
Max:
I still say you should sue. That's emotional damage. Shit... I wanna sue because I was sitting here losing it just as well. But you know what's good about going through that... YOU MUST go through with the things you said you'd do. Put your house in order with the will and estate. Go ahead and start working out if you feel like that gives you some leverage. Don't feel like you're in an emergency state where your body is a terrorist and can "turn" on you. That's no way to live.
I remember sitting there in that emergency room after my Dr's PA (I hate PA's) told me that I had some kind of infection in the back of my throat that was going to swell and cut off my airway and I would choke to death. I remember laying there on the gurnie in the emergency area being so scared that I started to cry a little... this woman was laying next to me who was having internal bleeding from a botched hysterectomy saw me crying. She was Haitian and she spoke to me in Creole and said "I don't know if you speak my language... but I am praying for you and I'm optimistic about both of us. God will take care of us both." I get chills thinking about it... because that was really God coming to comfort me. It was unreal. Of course the Dr was like... Ummm gargle with some salt water. You're fine. *sigh* some folks have NO bedside manner.
It almost never turns out the way you think it will :) Cause God's got it. As long as you help your self... She'll always help you.
