There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
FUCK THE MARRIED CLUB. Fuck the married-elitist-"I-have-a-family-and-you-don't-so-that-makes-us-better" Club. I'm sick of friends marrying off and then shucking off the life they had. Just slithering out of the previous skin and moving on; leaving friends behind because of their status or lack thereof. I have lost SO MANY FRIENDS on account of the fact that they have families and I don't. And it's not like I don't TRY to be in their lives. I try so much harder because I know it's difficult for them to reach back, because of all the things that engulf their lives. And I promise every time, not to be one of those friends who let's them go by the wayside or poo-poo them because they don't have time to party and chill and hang out and do "single" people things.
I've always been the kind of person to stop in if I'm in the neighborhood... or when I'm doing something on my own or with others, to just randomly invite folks on GP. I always try to stay a part of people's lives... but there is only so much reaching I can do before it's futile. My heart is so hurt right now because I've just lost (or maybe just realized) that I lost another. But what can I do? Fight? Scream? Yell? Pitch a Fit? None of the above. It's all the equivalent of spitting in the wind. Because it means nothing.
