There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I woke up this morning with the intention of sitting down and writing out the bizzare dreams that I had running through my mind last night. But reality struck that down in the face of death. As I opened up my new.blogger.com window, my cell phone rang. I saw it was one of my Sorors. I looked at the clock and said... well, it's fair that I should answer it. I wasn't asleep. So I did. Figuring the soror that it was calling, I had good news for her anyways because I labored all of yesterday finishing her undergrad chapter's website. I picked up the phone and she was barely audible. And when I could hear her she wasn't speaking... she was blubbering. Asking me if I had Hayden's phone number. Which I know she has. But she was asking for his home number. Which he doesn't have. He lives by his Cell alone. "Vic... what's wrong???" I finally demanded trying to put some coherence into what she was saying. "Corey died last night!!" she screamed. And I found myself doing a mental check......corey... corey..... COREY! OH MY GOD!!!! what was wrong with Corey... Sickle Cell... oh my gosh... was it that???? No... complications from a "routine" medical procedure....
And then it happened. It's still happening. My mind is numb. My body is numb. Listening to her sob uncontrollably on the phone... I couldn't even shed a tear. My mind kicked into rationale mode and figured... who did I know that he knew? Ebony. Hayden. That's it. Vic said she couldn't find Hayden. And I don't know where I have Ebony's number. How crazy for Ebony... considering the divorce... who knows if they reconciled. Last time she mentioned him, she said he walked past her in the street like she was a total stranger and that hurt her immensley. My head is floating. I think I'll lay down.
