There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I went on the patch Sunday (the Dr. put me on birth control in order to regulate my hormones) and I thought it would be really horrible. But I've actually been feeling better. Could be my mind. I stopped smoking (I was smoking one cigarette a night - to "calm" me enough to go to sleep) but I don't need added complications with anything, so I just kicked it. So far it seems really okay. I was telling AP that it almost seemed too easy... and he said... "Why do you have to believe that it's hard? It's probably the belief that it's hard that made you shy away from actually doing it." So I'm going with that thinking and I'm going to believe that all these life changes I'm making are easy. I've been sleeping through the night and waking up rested and on time to get ready for work. My baby has been right there prodding me on -- he keeps asking me when I'm going to the gym... but the "team is in town" so I don't work out in the gym when that's happening. But he's been staying on me.
Life is moving along...
I'm sitting here watching this fiasco of a ALCS Game 7... Damnit Yanks.... :-( They gotta come back.
Umma sleep and wake up and they'll be correct.
